overeducated & understimulated

"if you're going through hell, keep going …" -winston churchill

Success is not in the eye of the beholder March 15, 2012

Filed under: Fitness & health,Gifted,Life with kids,The meaning of life,Travel,Writing — Aerin Rainey @ 12:55 pm

This has been a very tough week.  I am not feeling well, I have one sick child, I had that job interview that blindsided me, my husband is sick, there was a snow day, plus I got my period.  I don’t know whether it is required for me to spiral into an existential depression every time hormones and low iron levels hit me, but that is what seems to happen.

In the words of Tears for Fears, from “Mad World”:

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny

I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying
Are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you
‘Cos I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It’s a very, very
Mad world

But spring is around the corner and I have a lot to do.  My plan is that carrying out this simple list of projects (in whole or in part, which is more likely!) will help me get back in touch with my focus and let me bring my full attention to every detail and start living in and enjoying the moments of my life again.  Instead of sitting around worrying what those people running in circles think of me.

List of projects for a successful stay-at-home mother

  • Declutter the basement
  • Organize/purge kids’ accumulated art projects/school work
  • Finish painting the laundry room
  • Stay on top of laundry loads
  • Work on Brownie badges with Meghan
  • Plan and prepare healthy family dinners at least 4-5 times per week (prepare semi-healthy meals 16-17 times per week)
  • Help Meghan study for rider level test
  • Complete school’s online Scholastic book orders in timely fashion
  • Declutter my desk
  • Complete photo albums in Aperture and order prints
  • Contact all elementary schools in Greater Saint John area re: fundraiser (as per role on fundraiser committee)
  • Visit and present characters to elementary schools (as per role on fundraiser committee)
  • Purge kids’ DVD collection
  • Work out 5 days per week
  • Keep food record
  • Provide treats for teachers on St. Paddy’s Day (as per role on Special Events committee)
  • Declutter garage
  • Buy groceries
  • Hang hooks in stairwell for backpacks/sports equipment
  • Repair walls in laundry room, front hall
  • Hang new laundry rack
  • Ensure kids practice piano daily
  • Help kids with homework daily
  • Drive kids to and from all extra-curricular activities and playdates on time
  • Get birthday present for Clara’s friend
  • Plan summer vacation camps, trips, etc.
  • Plan trip to London
  • Pursue digital photography hobby
  • Read books I have purchased re: education, giftedness, health & dieting, photography, spirituality
  • Paint three bathrooms and two bedrooms
  • De-mold the upstairs windows
  • Clean all windows
  • Make/order blinds for kitchen windows
  • Install new shelf in Meghan’s room
  • Mail Helena’s housewarming gift
  • Blog 3-4 times per week
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Setting a good example March 12, 2012

Filed under: Life with kids,The meaning of life — Aerin Rainey @ 5:40 pm
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I had my job interview today.  I don’t really know whether it went well or not.  Not an ace-in-the-hole, let’s say.  It was tough getting prepared during March Break and with the husband working and then catching up on much-needed sleep all weekend.  Afterwards, I thought I should tell the girls that it went really well, but we have to wait and see because they can only hire one person but there are lots of people who want the job.

Now why would I lie to my two daughters?  I pretty much felt like crying all day after this stressful event so I definitely needed to come clean with them and say I just didn’t get a  great feeling from the interview, and now I am going to have to wait and see what happens.

I guess I just thought it would be easy to get back in the workforce and show these two girls of mine how great the world thinks I am.  I want them to see me being successful.  The only problem is that I can’t seem to figure out how to measure success.  Is it paid work in the business world that I need to be considered successful?  I don’t know anymore.

 

Whatever happens, I need a new work-life balance March 9, 2012

Filed under: Gifted — Aerin Rainey @ 6:01 pm

I am busy getting ready for a job interview.  It’s an interview for a real, bonafide full-time job with benefits and everything.  A Communication Specialist reporting to the Director of Internal Communications for a humongous hotel chain.  Two weeks ago, I had no idea that I would be spending hundreds of dollars on a new suit, mining my memories for reasons why I am a great prospective employee, or buttering up past colleagues for a reference.

Now that I am applying for this job, of course I am determined to get it, to succeed at this job application, to be the best, to be the one to get the offer.  I wish I could be this driven in my personal life.  I would have finished all those painting projects and photo albums by now…

I have been thinking about going back to work for a while, though.  For a few reasons:

  1. If I wait longer or am forced to re-enter the working world farther down the road, it will be even more difficult to convince employers of my continued qualification.
  2. My children don’t seem to look at me as someone other than a hug-giver, chauffeur, laundry-folder, cook and cleaner-upper.  None of which count for anything.  I have heard them tons of times talking about how I don’t have a job.  Guess that means I’ll still be doing all that stuff and working full-time for $$ if I get hired.
  3. I’m bored.  Nothing is interesting or urgent in my life, so I don’t do any of it until I absolutely have to.  I have no discipline to keep my days structured and productive, and so with kids in school, I just end up spending time heedlessly.  I couldn’t even say what I do with all the time they are at school.
  4. I like working with language and communication tools.  I like them because they are designed to have a purpose.  Unlike this blog.  I relish the chance to sink my teeth into something and really take it as far as I can and achieve something with it.
  5. I want to work with intelligent, driven people who are experts in their field.  I’m tired of dumbing it down.  I want to be considered an expert.

Helping my sister-in-law with her university and college applications, or designing party invitations or forms for a fundraiser, or even producing a marketing brochure for my children’s school is all well and good.  But every time I do something like that, I realize I could do so much more!  And people say, “Oh, you should be an event planner!  You’re so good at that,” or “You should have a business helping people with resume-writing!” or whatever it is … so I guess I am not the only one who thinks so.

I hope the people who interview me on Monday will agree that I can do the job and would be so good at it!  As my husband said when I was in anguish over some aspect of this process, “What’s the worst that could happen?”  I jokingly answered, “They might actually offer me the job.”  I guess we’ll see …

 

 

Working out sucks March 8, 2012

Filed under: Fitness & health — Aerin Rainey @ 6:59 pm

No wonder I am 40 pounds overweight.  I have recently discovered that I really don’t enjoy working out.  I mean, I thought I was just unmotivated.  Lazy.  Intimidated, maybe?  No, I just really don’t like it.  My least disliked activity is the treadmill, but even then, there is nothing fun about making your legs hurt while you watch ridiculous shows on the Women’s Network.  It’s boring.  I tried reading, but I can’t focus too well on the words unless I go quite slowly, which doesn’t really get the heart rate up to the target level.  All those machines that work your muscles — I think they all look the same, are too hard to adjust, and who knows what weight or number of reps you should do.

So I got a trainer.  Now he adjusts all the machines and tells me what to do every time I go to the gym.  I have to go, because I am paying the guy.  I admit, we do have a few laughs together, but it is still not fun!  Worst of all, after almost three weeks, I have no change in my weight, shape, or size.  I am feeling frustrated and pretty much still hating working out.

The other thing I am doing is watching my food intake.  I haven’t changed my eating habits; I just record everything I ingest now.  I am using the website eatracker.ca  and it’s very informative.  But according to eatracker.ca, I consume only a fraction of my allowable calories every day.  So I’m not sure why the pounds aren’t melting off me.  Would be great to head out in some pants that fit me besides the one pair of jeans and one pair of black pants I had to purchase because I needed some that don’t cut off my circulation below the waist.

At what point do you start losing weight, seeing results and feeling like you enjoy working out?  And feeling that it is all worth it?  Does such a point even exist?  Who are these people I see at the gym who are so thin and toned?  How did they get that way?  I feel like I wrecked my body and now I am stuck with it.  Good thing I have a contract with the trainer or I would be so outta there.

I absolutely hate being so overweight.  I keep wondering how to turn this feeling into some sane-sounding plan for change.